Tag Archives: love

Love Yourself and Others On Valentine’s Day!

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From my column the week of February 8 in the Albert Lea Tribune and The Courier Sentinel.

img011I love Valentine’s Day. It is my favorite holiday over Christmas and Thanksgiving. I don’t love Valentine’s Day because I get so many valentines, although my husband usually remembers the day. It wasn’t always that way in the early days of our marriage. He did pretty good the first year. He welded me a Valentine sign that said he loved me. It is awesome, and I still have it 45 years later. It is my favorite Valentine’s Day gift from him over the 45 years.

There were a couple of missed years because he didn’t realize how much the sentiment of love meant to me, but he does now and never fails to remember the day. I too, over the years have not always been thoughtful on the day either so we evened each other out.

In thinking about the day I have examined why this day is so wonderful in my mind and of course the answer is love. We all want love in our life. We all want to feel remembered and cared about. I also like the color red and love hearts, so that adds to my joy of the day. I also like the day because it is a great time to do special things for special people in our lives all in the name of love.

There is a downside to Valentine’s Day if we let it happen to us. On the years I didn’t receive any valentines from my family, kids or husband I felt let down, left out and unloved. They didn’t intentionally mean to make me feel left out; I made myself feel that way. In my heart I knew I was loved, but my head had the poor me sentiment. And I let it ruin my day. I finally realized my family is not into Valentine’s Day, and it was silly to have the attitude I did. They show me they love me all through the year.

My mom loved Valentine’s Day. I could always count on a card from my mom. I always gave her a card and something on the day. I think I got my love of holidays from my mom because she loved holidays. It seemed out of character for her, but she always wanted to celebrate the holidays. In fact, I know she loved Valentine’s Day because she kept all the old-fashioned valentines from the ’20s and ’30s and all the cards she got from me and my dad. When I realized she kept the memories, it made me feel loved.

Once I changed my attitude about the day I began to love Valentine’s Day. I enjoy the decorations, playing love music and sending valentines, and sometimes I even buy myself some candy or flowers — although I know I will receive a valentine from my valentine.

A few years ago a woman told me how she missed Valentine ’s Day. Her husband had died and now she didn’t get any valentines anymore. I guess this is what this column is about, sharing the love.

If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life to remember you on the love day, take time to remember and perhaps put a little love into someone else’s life who may not be remembered on the day of love. And if you are that person who is not remembered, love yourself on this special day. Go out to eat, call a friend, buy yourself some flowers or some candy or indulge in something silly and fun to make your day. Love yourself. It is not selfish or indulgent; it is a healthy pick-me up.

Happy Valentine’s Day.
“Don’t forget to love yourself.” — Soren Kierkegaard

The Final Good-Bye

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IMG_3258The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.” — Eminem

The quote above was certainly true in our lives the last couple of weeks. We had a fun vacation up north and the next day we were sitting by the bedside of my brother-in-law who was in his final moments.

As I look back on the week it was a week of blessings. We spent time with good friends. We laughed, ate the fish the men caught, explored shops and took the time to relax and enjoy life. It wasn’t the fact that we were on vacation that made it special; it was the fact we shared the week with close friends creating memories.

We got the call that we were needed  at the bedside of my brother-in-law, Evan, as we were driving home from the lake. The next few days by his bedside we  prayed, cried, reminisced and waited for God  to call him home. As hard as it was, it too was a blessing because we could be there in his final moments. We could connect with others who loved this man. We don’t always come into this world easily at birth and we don’t always go out easily either. The last few days were a struggle for him and we didn’t want him or his wife  being alone at this difficult time.

I wondered as we sat there waiting, what he would have said to us if he would have had the power to speak. What would he say about what we were saying? What was he thinking? Were we giving him comfort? Or would he have told us to go away?

It had been a long journey for Evan. His diagnosis was Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t the first in the family, and I suspect it won’t be the last. He was not the person the last few years we all remembered. Yet, he was still loved in his anger, quietness and joy,  remaining the husband, father and brother in our lives.

Everyone deals with a loved one’s decline differently. Some stay away because they can’t handle seeing their loved one in this changing state. They want to remember them as they were. I get that. And again I support those who have to do what they do to take care of themselves. For myself at this time in my life I think about the person going through the process of leaving this earth or who is in declining health. It isn’t about me; it is about them and what they are feeling if those they love stay away.

We all need someone to share the rough spots of our life, to help us get through the hills and the valleys, whether it is an illness where we are healed, or an illness where God chooses to take us home. We need someone to care.

I have not always been by the side of someone I loved, or visited a friend when they are going through their final weeks. I too have stayed away. When my friend Mary was ready to leave this world I stayed away. I was sick and suffering depression and I couldn’t handle it. I so regret that I stayed away and didn’t say goodbye, but I get it when seeing someone you love in pain is too much.

I haven’t always helped those who needed help. I haven’t always had the help of those I thought I could depend on, but I know it is not because I didn’t care or they didn’t care, but because of where they were or where I was in my life, there was nothing left inside of them or me to help someone else.

This time, I was able to say goodbye to the man who was the first person besides my mother-in-law to welcome me into the family and accept me as I was. I felt privileged to have the time to say goodbye to the man who was godfather to my children and took that role very seriously. My children all have special memories of their Uncle Evan as do all his nieces and nephews.

If we needed help, Evan was there to lend a hand. He was there to give his opinion and we could take it or leave it. He left us with sayings we will never forget and memories that will always have a hold on our hearts.

Don’t be afraid to hold the hand of someone you love in their final moments. You will find you won’t remember what they looked like in their final days, but you will remember the lifetime of memories that you were given and the smiles that came before.

Rest in peace, Evan. When we asked you how you were, you always replied, “Not as good as some, but better than most.” In our eyes you were always the best.

Mother’s Always Have Your Back!

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mom on hillGood Morning. mom2121jpg

Mother’s Day is approaching. How will you spend your day? I miss my mother. We didn’t always get along. We were both head strong people with very different personalities. As I have gotten older, I now realize why she was the way she was. Life changed her. My mother didn’t have an easy life, and I must admit, I probably didn’t make her life any easier.

She loved her grandkids and she loved me. She developed Alzheimer’s in her later years. The last two years of her life in the nursing home she was funny, cute, and a witty old woman. I suspect she was the person she was before life hit and responsibilities changed her.

I wish I could tell her all I now understand and say “I’m sorry,I didn’t understand”. She was a strong woman and when I was younger I didn’t want to be like my mom, but now I recognize that I want that strength. I want the keep-going attitude. She taught me that. In the last two years of her life she didn’t always know who I was, but I know that she would never choose to forget me. I chose to enjoy the humor and try and guess who I would be in her mind each time I visited her.

When my mother died I was going through an upsetting time in my life. She knew nothing about this.  The last evening I visited, where she fell ill hours later, she said to me, not knowing I was going through a tough time, “God knew what he was doing. He has a plan and it will all work out.” My mother never talked about God. This was an unusual thing for her to say and I knew that she was going to leave our world and leave me. I was right, I got the call hours later. She went from the healthy woman I visited earlier in the evening to being ready to leave this earth will an illness.

I was an only child. My mother, in spite of our differences and our arguments, always had my back, and I always had hers. We spent every Christmas, every Easter and every Mother’s Day together. Some of those holidays it was only for a few hours but I never missed one holiday with my mom in her 93 years.

I miss her. I hear her whispers when I need courage. I wish I had showed her more respect and more love. On this Mother’s Day, spend time with your mother. Make your mother feel special so you don’t have any regrets. A mother is your biggest fan and your biggest supporter. She will be honest and tell you when you are making mistakes. You might not always like what she says, but she will always have your back, and that includes being honest about your behavior. A mother will risk your wrath to change your life or make it better. A mother is love and when your mother is gone, you will never know another love like that in your life, but your will pass that love along to your children. Happy Mother’s Day. Take time to make your mother feel cherished always.

Ryan and Grandma Young1                  mom22