Thoughts Of An Insomniac

By Julie Seedorf
Published 9:35 am Monday, July 25, 2016

Julie Seedorf’s column appears in the Tribune every Monday.

julie 2015 profile picWhen you follow one weaving van and there is no cell phone in sight, you suspect they may have been dabbling in something. When a second weaving van immediately takes up where the first one left off, you wonder if you are being led astray. But then you remember the saying, three strikes and you’re out, and you decide to call the police before that happens. Those three strikes could mean a life.

Spending time with kids and teenagers keeps your joints limber, your mind open, your face from cracking because it exercised with smiles, and…it gives you a good excuse to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon.

Women my age dye their hair to keep the gray from peeking out. Little did we know, the gray we are trying to hide, is the new it color. Thank you, Kelly Osbourne, and all the young women who are dying their hair gray, because they admire our undyed look. Who knew at our age we would have the it look naturally. Think of the confusion for those supermarket and restaurant workers when it is senior citizens day. The gray hair usually gives it away. Maybe that is it; those young people are trying to get our discount.

Pink hair and orange hair and green hair are stylish these days too. I love my granddaughter’s green hair. She wasn’t impressed when I told her I was going pink. I decided if the younger generation can dye their hair gray, I can steal their hair color and dye mine pink.

I haven’t had my hair cut since last October. It is my old age, try growing it long, attempt. The last haircut must have been a good one because it hasn’t made me want to take a scissors to my hair on the spur of the moment. I am finding long hair much easier to take care of than short hair. The last time I had long hair, in the dark ages, it had to be rolled up on rollers. Remember sleeping on rollers and scaring your husband? My goal is to grow it out so I can get it cut. Yes, one length, so I can plop it on top of my head and go. I am a plop and go girl in my old age. Although I already am a plop girl, just ask my couch.

Grandchildren don’t know that Spam can almost taste like ham. There are times little white lies are called for, such as telling your grandchildren the sandwich they are eating is ham, and then when they are finished eating and liked the sandwich, you announce it is really Spam — the same sandwich they wouldn’t eat last time because they were sure they wouldn’t like it. We Grandma’s are tricky.

It is amazing, you think you know the people who have been lifelong friends, and after all these years you find there is part of them that hates and are intolerant of others, and you never knew. As another friend said, quoting Paul Newman as Butch Cassidy, when discovering this, “Who are those guys?”

We can take a lesson from our dogs and cats. The first thing they do when they wake up is the yoga move the downward dog, to stretch their body. A routine stretch takes seconds, yet we wait to do that which is good for us, only when we are frozen in place. Why is it self-care is last on our list of to-dos? Perhaps that is why experts say pets reduce our stress. They already know the secret to self-care.

Reading signs must be harder these days. The slow-moving vehicles keep to the right– sign needs to be clearer. I feel they should put one of those flashing signs below the hill stating the speed and a large sign in large print with these words added to the flashing vehicle sign, “If it says 50 or slower — move over, this means you or we will push you up the hill.” There must be latent road rage in my heart because I want to yell that every time I have to pass in the slow lane, the slow person that is, in the fast lane.

I am going to turn off the news of the election until it is almost over. I can’t make a decision based on what I am hearing and seeing on television and the news. The only thing happening is I am getting desensitized to hate mongering and name calling. I don’t blink an eye at it anymore. Maybe that is what is supposed to happen. They are trying to make Minnesota Nice go away and make us into Minnesota Slice. Maybe I am already there. I am going to slice that news cable.

I am writing this at 4 a.m. Checking my Facebook feed I see I have good company at 4 a.m., my neighbor is awake too. Maybe we should have coffee. Or I could have virtual coffee with my many other online friends that are sleepless in cyberspace.

I leave you with a few quotes to give you pause for thought throughout the week, taken from my appointment book, “Words To Live By from Primitives by Kathy.”

“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”

“Some people dance in the rain, others just get wet.”

“Children are great imitators so give them something great to imitate.”


Fuchsia and Granny (Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt Trivia

In honor of Granny Pins A Pilferer being released soon I am having a Granny and Fuchsia Minnesota Trivia contest on my facebook page Come on over and join in.

Wednesday Trivia is about Granny Skewers A Scoundrel. I will post all three questions right here. You have until tomorrow morning to answer correctly when another winner or two will be chosen depending on how many respond. Spread the word. The more entries, the more winners.
What was the name of the Spa Granny’s family sent her to for a day of pampering?
What color shirt did Franklin have on when LIttle White Poodle jumped in his lap?
What were the names of Franklin’s pets that became Granny’s Tank and Furball?
Who is Esmeralda?
Good luck.