Panic Attack! It’s Only Coffee…But

I almost had a panic attack Tuesday evening. I have this routine before I go to bed. I make my coffee so all I have to do when I am bleary-eyed in the morning is to punch the button. I knew I had finished my one container of coffee the day before, but I also knew I had another full container in the cupboard. However, now I am questioning everything I thought I knew.

I went to the cupboard. I found the can. It seemed awfully light. I pulled off the cover and it was…wait…for…it, EMPTY. My can of coffee was empty. There was no coffee. Did I put that empty can in the cupboard? Was I sleepwalking when I did it? I quickly dismissed the thought and blamed it on my Natasha, my crafty kitty who haunts my cupboards or tries to. Let’s pass the blame because I could not handle doing that to myself when it came to coffee.

Immediately I could feel the panic fill my body. There would be no coffee at 6:00 a.m. as I leisurely took my time waking and getting out of bed. Usually, I wallow and read in bed with my coffee at least for an hour. It is my routine. I could handle the not wallowing, but NO COFFEE? Tea wasn’t going to cut it.

Then came the what-ifs.  Would the grocery store let me do the curbside pickup for only coffee as I was stocked up on everything else I needed? And…I am leary about this old person going into a store where no one is wearing masks, That in itself brings panic because I know people in other areas mired in virus problems, and as much as we think we are safe in a low virus county, you never know. Still, even if I did do that in the morning there would be no coffee when I woke up.

It seems like a small thing and it is, but coffee helps because it is a routine and something stable in my life when all else seems to be upended.

Did I have anything stuffed in the freezer that I forgot about? I quickly dug in my freezer and pulled out an old bag of leftover beans that were hidden in the bottom of the freezer, enough to make a pot. But where was my coffee grinder? Did I even have one anymore?

That led to another foraging at night looking for my coffee grinder. I was a madwoman rummaging through cupboards where I stored that which does not get used often. I found it stuffed in the back under some other appliances I haven’t used in years.  I rushed it to the cupboard and put the old coffee beans, as in years and years old, in the grinder. I couldn’t get it to work. I dinged around for a short time and I found success, and ground my beans, dropping them into my Cuisinart, ready for the morning.

I didn’t sleep well that night wondering if I would be able to even drink the coffee. Would it be horrible because the beans were so old?  As I pried my sleepy eyes open and pondered the headache I had, I staggered to the kitchen and pushed the button. The coffee maker sprung to life. I pondered how to get some coffee without visiting the grocery store for one item. I know it seems silly, but did I also mention anxiety is my middle name and I like to avoid it at all costs? There was my neighbors, Brian and Tammy who I knew would go to the store for me, but they do so much for me I hated to ask them for just the coffee, and I feel though they are young and out and about, it is hard to ask for something so silly.

I decided that just once until I needed the next big grocery order to buy from my local grocery, because I believe in buying the things I need that are available in town, to order coffee online.  I thought I had enough beans for maybe two days although the taste wasn’t the best.  Buying online wasn’t an option if I needed it within the next day or so as shipping was two weeks out. I could feel the panic set in again along with my migraine pounding my head, so I gave it up and called my neighbor and he immediately brought my coffee.

As I ponder what I normally wouldn’t have gotten anxious about, which is going to the grocery store, I know I was overreacting. Everyone is going to the grocery store on their own in my community. Masks still haven’t been the norm and we don’t even know if they protect us, but they make some of us feel protected. Part of my anxiety is knowing my friends from all over the states and other countries who have the virus, lost loved ones or have medical conditions, and tell me this could come here easily and all it takes is one person out and about who infects others. We don’t have it in such numbers here but those friends are always in the back of my mind.

And then the thought came to me as I called my neighbor…what if there is no coffee? What if there is a shortage? There is no toilet paper but will we add coffee to the list? Coffee seems to be my security blanket in this time of fear. In the time of not knowing when we will be able to hug our children and grandchildren again. I can’t even go there thinking about how our interaction with other people is going to change. I can’t imagine never hugging anyone on a spur of the moment meeting again. So I choose coffee to panic about. I can’t go to the other possibilities in my mind. But I can do coffee. I can’t think about the hugs shortage that would go far beyond panic.

Let me panic about coffee. It is a small thing to obsess about because it doesn’t let me think about all the other places my mind could go. Let yourself have your feelings in this time about whatever insignificant thing is causing you to freak out. If it gets you through the bigger things then you have got this. Stay safe.

Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven’t had our coffee, in which case we feel 107.

Martha Beck

Many Thanks To The Red Cross

Something About Nothing by Julie Seedorf published in the Albert Lea Tribune the week of August 13, 2017

It is comforting to know when there is a disaster such as a fire or a stormsprinkle-life1 in your community, fire departments, police departments and ambulance crews, as well as ordinary citizens, step up to help and save lives.

The Wellington Estates Apartments in Wells caught fire the morning of Aug. 5. I live a block from the fire station and heard the sirens, but as the hour passed I heard sirens that weren’t familiar to me. Checking out the situation I found crews from seven neighboring communities that came to help. Luckily no one was hurt, but many families were displaced from their homes.

The Red Cross was on the scene immediately helping out with vouchers for places to stay and other things needed to help the residents.

I was surprised on Wednesday afternoon when my doorbell rang. I didn’t recognize the people at the door. I was skeptical and careful as I answered, not sure what to expect. It was a woman from the Red Cross inquiring about smoke detectors in my home.

With so many scammers knocking on doors these days I was hesitant to answer any questions, but seeing the credentials hanging around the worker’s neck and looking at the paper she handed me, I knew she was a Red Cross worker.

She told me she and two other workers were checking on homes and installing smoke detectors if they were needed. I asked the cost and she said there was no cost. I almost turned the Red Cross workers away because I knew I could afford to put in my own smoke detectors. There was one problem with that — I had two smoke detectors that broke months ago and we hadn’t replaced them. We talked about it and vowed we would do it soon but put it on our list of to-dos that never gets done. I couldn’t remember the last time we checked the batteries, and I knew the working smoke detectors were years old.

I asked if I let them put the smoke detectors in if I could make a donation. They told me I could, but they weren’t the ones to take the donation. They left the information if I did want to contribute to the Red Cross.

My husband was surprised when he came home to new smoke detectors. The fire at Wellington Estates reminded all of us who live in our community that fires break out at unexpected times and we all should have a plan. The Red Cross volunteers when visiting my home also went over tips and a workable plan.

I didn’t know about the Red Cross program called Sound The Alarm, Save A Life. According to redcross.org, volunteers will install 100,000 free smoke alarms nationwide. They work with fire departments and local groups visiting homes, replacing batteries in existing alarms and installing new ones, and providing fire prevention and safety education during their visit.

I am thankful they chose to stop by my home because we had put off replacing our alarms. They also pointed out we did not have a carbon monoxide detector.

If you are interested in this program, or if you want to donate or volunteer to the Sound The Alarm, Save a Life Campaign visit redcross.org for links and information. And if you are interested in helping the Wellington Estates residents with donations, there is a fund set up at Wells Federal Bank in Wells called the Wellington Relief Fund or call Pastor Mary Iverson at 507-553-3513 or Open Doors Church office at 507-553-5453.

Gratitude Partners? Find one?

sidewalkthankfulsplatsGood Morning. Today I have thoughts of gratitude and peace in my mind and heart, by that I mean contentment. It is hard when we are always reaching for tomorrow and then worry sets in. I have a speaking engagement today and I always hope what I have to say can touch someones life in a positive way. I do have a little bit of advice for you today. Each night before I go to bed, I and Andrea and Heather, better known as the author Barbara Jean, exchange messages of five things we are grateful for each day. I am grateful that these two women take the time to share with me as every night before I go to bed I am reminded that i have something to be grateful for though I must admit during trying times it is occasionally hard to see the grateful between the tears. So today I would encourage you to find someone you can exchange five things or more that you are grateful for each day, whether it be in person or by text. It can be someone you have never met but are close to on Facebook. Gratitude does makes a difference and if you do it, let us know if it changes your life.