Tag Archives: Friends

Wonderfulicious Weekend Whoopie

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Well, it's a start.

Well, it’s a start.

It might seem like a writer’s life should be easy and free of stress because all we do is sit and write everyday, but there is so much more to a writers life and what we do. If we don’t take the time to spread our wings and experience something new it is hard to write, especially if we are not refreshed and replenished.This past weekend my friend Donna, a friend of over twenty-five years, and I decided to have a girl’s weekend and try something new. I would love to share our experiences with you.

Another friend of mine from my high school days by the name of Charlotte Laxen is a watercolor artist. I admire her work and her talent. She was teaching a beginner watercolor class at the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum In Chaska Minnesota. Donna and I decided to spread our wings and bring out the inner artist that lives in each of us. Early Saturday morning spring finally arrived in Minnesota, and encouraged by the sunshine, we made the 90 mile trip to the Arboretum. We both were a little nervous because we weren’t sure what to expect.

The setting for the class couldn’t have been more perfect because even in the early spring the grounds were beautiful. Our painting classroom was on the second floor and we could view the arboretum grounds. The class was limited to ten people so it was not intimidating. We quickly bonded and felt at ease with the people in the room and made some friendships that will go on after the class.

We studied the different levels of color on our papers, the different weight of paper, how to use our brushes and experimented with different brush strokes. The classroom was full of laughter and joy. The seven hour class seemed to fly by.  I found another love and realized I have an artist in my soul and it needs to come out. Charlotte also offered inspiration about her life and dreams which inspired all of us going into the future. Now let me clarify, I don’t know that I will ever be good at watercolor but it feeds my soul and that is what is important.

My grandchildren’s mother offered us the use of her home while she was gone. We arrived to find flowers, wine, wine glasses, a welcome note and boxes of chocolates on our pillows. She made us feel very welcome and special.

Of course part of a great weekend is food and we decided  to try places we had never been so we picked Turtle’s Bar and Grill in Shakopee for dinner. I might add at noon we ate at the Arboretum and the food was outstanding. We planned on taking in the movie “Hello My Name Is Doris” with Sally Field after dinner and when we arrived at Turtle’s the place was packed and we didn’t think we would be out in time. We were amazed,not only by our waitress, but by the service. We had our meal within fifteen minutes.

We loved the movie. Sally Field was outstanding. The movie was funny, moving and actually had a good message for what happens in our lives.

The next morning we visited my son and grandchildren and were treated to breakfast and then we continued on to the Spring Arts and Craft Show at Canterbury.  In the three hours we tried some food, oohed and aahed over the artistic people and artwork, which refreshed my creativity and made me want to find a talent and join the craft circuit. Another dream for my life? I ran into my Sisters In Crime friends Jessie Chandler, and Brian Landon and his fiancé.  I need to copy Jessie’s excitement and sales talk. I loved their enthusiasm so much I taped it for a reminder for me.  Of course I bought some of their books.

We couldn’t end our weekend at the Craft Show so we stopped at Mazopiya, a natural foods market in Prior Lake and picked up some healthy food to take home.

Of course our eating had to continue and we stopped in New Prague at the Fishtale Bar and Grill, another place we have never visited. I ordered some soup which name I didn’t know what it meant and couldn’t pronounce, but it was a cream soup with dill and something about a dill pickle and potatoes and green beans in it and it was delicious along with my burger. Donna had the Jambalaya with fish and sausage. Regretfully it was time to travel on home.

However, when we drove into the community of Waseca and past the Dairy Queen we made one more stop. We topped off our weekend with a Chocolate Shake for me and a Chocolate Sundae for Donna. Yes, we probably came home a little heavier and tired but we had a rejuvenating weekend of mind and friendship. In fact we are plotting our next journey into learning something new and trying new places and of course food.

This was our journey and though the way I described it may seem boring, I want to encourage everyone to try something new, take time away to rest and replenish and find that which feeds you. Try something you think you might not like and you may find it is exactly that which nourishes you into tomorrow. You don’t have to be good at it, it just has to feel good to you. You can never go wrong either with a  weekend of laughter and bonding with friends.

My quote from my gratitude journal today: You may be disappointed if you fail but you are doomed if you don’t try. -Beverly Sills

I’m Trying
Friends Forever Learning and Bonding
Authors like to laugh.
Jessie and Brian’s Books
Monthly Menu at Turtles
Memories
Laughter
Old friends connecting
Charlotte teaching.
Well, it’s a start.

 

 

Balancing Independence When Aging

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Something About Nothing by Julie Seedorf – Albert Lea Tribune October 2014https://flic.kr/p/HCJzd

My mother was a very independent soul. She very seldom asked for help. I don’t think I inherited that part of her personality. I don’t have a problem asking for help. If I need it, I ask.

My daughter pointed out to me many years ago that by asking, I give others the chance to give too. I don’t know if my friends might feel that way about my asking. I feel I ask too much but I still ask. People can say no.

My friend Donna just spent two days helping me wallpaper my bathroom wall. She has a hard time saying no. That might be a problem if you have someone that constantly asks for help, and someone who constantly can’t say no. There is a fine line in the balance of give and take.

I suspect my mother didn’t ask for help because her life was spent helping her mother, who was most of the time bedridden or in a wheel chair, helping her brother who didn’t know how to cook and had health problems, and taking care of others who needed it. She became very adamant that she did not want to become a burden and did not want someone to have to take care of her as much as she had to take care of her mother. She didn’t want someone else to give up their dreams. She wanted to spare me that responsibility and was very stubborn about it.

What she didn’t realize was that her stubbornness made life much more difficult for those around her when it was clear she wasn’t managing her life very well, and couldn’t take care of herself, such as the time she broke her arm and didn’t tell anyone so we could take her to the doctor for help. Or the time she refused to go to the doctor when she had pneumonia.

We were happy to lend a hand with the cooking, cleaning, clothes washing and doctor visits, but because of her stubbornness it made life difficult not only for her but for us. It also led to outcomes that were detrimental for her and had more long term effects. It led to her being sicker and more injured than she had to be.

Had she let us help her, she could have stayed in her home. Had she let us help her, she wouldn’t have gotten so sick. As a daughter it was very hard and anguishing to deal with, because you love your parents and you want the best for them, the same as they wanted the best for you when you were growing up and in your adult years.

I see the scene happen time and time again. Older people do not accept their children’s help. They don’t want to burden them. They keep illness a secret so they don’t worry their kids, but their kids are worried none the same by their parents withdrawal and insistence they are OK, when clearly it is evident they aren’t.

The tug of war between them ensues, adult children trying to get their parents help and their parents resisting because they want to be independent.

The consequences of that stubbornness and fight to stay independent occasionally becomes worse for the parent and they end up sicker, unable to stay in their homes and in anguish because of the situation, when a little communication with their children could have had better results. Early intervention in whatever is happening in their life would have kept them more independent.

Having had to deal with some of this recently is what prompted this column. There is that part of us that wants to make our own decisions. We don’t want anyone telling us what to do. We want to be in control. We know what is best for our own lives. And…..we’re not going to let others control what we do. There is that fear of letting go and trusting others, even our own children.

I will tell you that when I was ill and I was in a depression, I could not make good decisions for my life. Had I not let others in and let them help me, the consequences of my life would have been much worse.

My age is increasing. Some days, it feels like it is increasing at a rapid rate. My mind is still good although the readers of my books might question that. And maybe, I lean too much to the wanting help when I am older because I do not want to make my children’s lives more difficult. Perhaps I lean too much in the other direction. I don’t know if I have that balance and if I don’t have the mental capacity later on to keep that balance that is what scares me.

We have made some preparation in case we become that stubborn independent older citizen. We have discussed the situation with our children. They know our finances. They know our wishes. Our children do not live in the same community or even 15 minutes away. We hope to move closer to our children so when we need more help, we won’t disrupt their lives so much, and hopefully we can put things in place so that our final years can be a blessing together for all of us.

I see the difficulty my friends have had lately trying hard to find a solution and a resolution with elderly parents who fight them at every turn, causing so much heartache for all involved. I don’t want my last years to have to be that.

We can’t predict the future. Maybe in spite of all my plans I will do the same thing to my kids. I want to be able to balance that fine line between independence and reliance. How about you?

“We’re taught to expect unconditional love from our parents, but I think it is more the gift our children give us. It’s they who love us helplessly, no matter what or who we are.”

— Kathryn Harrison, “The Kiss”

Grabatude Attitude

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Column: Something About Nothing, by Julie Seedorf

Who do you hang with? No, I don’t mean hang such as hanging upside down, hanging from a bungee cord or hanging a right or a left when driving a car. Who do you spend your time with and how do they influence how you interact with others in your life?

Recently, I was put in a situation that I was unsure of. I was invited to the Women of Faith concert in St. Paul. I wasn’t unsure of going to the concert, but I was going to be going with a good friend and we would be staying with her relatives. I did not know these people.

I did have some anxiety about staying in a home of someone I did not know, and I am not a shy person, not usually anyway. This was a little of a stretch for me.

Meeting strangers isn’t a hard thing for me to do, but usually when I meet them it is for a short amount of time. That isn’t what this would be. It would be a weekend with my friend and people I did not know. Would they like me? Would I like them? Would we have the same likes and dislikes? Would it matter?

On a recent blogtalkradio interview with Amy Beth Arkawy on the Amy Bethv Arkawy show, Amy made the remark that I was a positive and inspirational person. I reminded her that I am not like that all the time, ask my husband and kids, and a few years ago I would say I was a toxic person. It was not a hard thing to be, depending on the group I was with, to find something wrong with everything.

I am very good at crabbing, and when you are with others who are very good at crabbing you have a great crabfest. Soon though, that attitude becomes part of you, and it is easier to see the glass half empty rather than half full. Pretty soon I was the head crab and would start the crab sessions. I didn’t like the way I was, and I don’t want to be that person again.

When Amy Beth and I talked about inspiration (she is also a creativity coach), I reflected later on what helps me to keep a positive attitude. It is work.

I was very lucky in my crabbiness. My inspirational and optimistic friends did not desert me. Finally after hanging with them I was able to adopt their attitude most of the time. It is hard work to get to the place where it is easier to be optimistic than to be pessimistic and yet some days the crab is back.

I found that if I surround myself with positive people, positive messages and read positive materials that I can be more optimistic in the face of the ups and downs of my life. We can choose who we spend our time with.

Back to the scary, I am having a slumber party with women I don’t know. The minute the first woman got in the car with us I knew I was going to feel at home with her. She wore sparkly cool earrings. She laughed a lot. When the next woman joined our car on the way I immediately felt at home too. She had a case of water. I knew I would not be thirsty. I do that, I drag my water along. We finally arrived at the cute house where we would rest our heads and I would meet another stranger. We were greeted with a huge meal, dessert and the best part was that she was living in my dream cottage home. It felt like home amidst these strangers.

We left for the Xcel Energy Center, and it was named right for the weekend. It was a center full of energized woman, with positive messages and smiling faces. In the midst of strangers we all seemed to be surrounded by friends.

One of the speakers asked if we were crabby Christians. Was there a time when I felt that the silverware in the kitchen needing to be lined up perfectly was more important than the way I treated the people that were lined up in the pews? Do I make the unimportant material trappings in my home and in my church more important than treating people with kindness and respect or am I that crabby Christian along with being a toxic person in a group?

I took a chance to hang with some positive strangers. Those strangers are no longer strangers but friends that I hope to spend time with in the future. If I had let my fear and kept my crabby attitude, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet new people that would have a positive influence on my life

Take a chance. Hang with someone new that makes you feel good about yourself. It might change your world and your attitude.

A quote by Elizabeth Edwards sums it up nicely:

“A positive attitude is not going to save you. What it’s going to do is, every day, between now and the day you die, whether that’s a short time from now or a long time from now, that every day, you’re going to actually live.”