Tag Archives: Family

Shredding A Life

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Column published November 21, 2016 Something About Nothing

Grandpa thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving

I shredded a life today. Piece by piece I dropped it into the shredder, pushed the button and ground it up.

This has been a topsy-turvy month that has swung from the uncertainty of the presidential election to honoring our veterans, to being thankful for all we have with the celebration of Thanksgiving.

This is the month friends and family are posting 30 days of thanks on Facebook, and I intended to do that, too. I have been hit and miss, not because I have not been thankful, but I found disorganization and weariness stopping me from taking the time to post. And so, I took some time to get rid of the past that is weighing me down.

As I was shredding the life, I realized that many of the details going into my shredder were not happy things and reminded me of a time when life was anxious and sad and filled with anger and hopelessness. The papers I was shredding were the papers documenting the doctor bills, nursing home bills and details of my mother’s last four years of life.

My mother died 13 years ago. Why I still had those papers might be a mystery to many people, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the final details that documented the last years of her life until now.

With her dementia she turned against me when I tried to help her. Always an independent woman, she didn’t want my help and didn’t think she needed it. She took care of her mother for many years and she always vowed she would not be dependent on me, her only child. Because of her stubbornness in wanting to be independent it made things harder.

Before dementia set in she set things up so that if anything happened to her I could legally take care of her, her property and her finances. When she developed dementia her mind told her different things, and I became the enemy. Because of this and outsiders interference I took everything to the courts so things would be documented and no one could accuse me of doing anything illegal. It was a stressful and hard time for both of us and our family.

As I shredded these court papers, I let go of the hurt and was thankful we did things that way so she would be taken care of and protected.

While in the nursing home, she broke her arm and also her hip. As I shredded the doctor bills, I noted how inexpensive things were 13 years ago compared to what the surgeries and doctor bills would cost now. Of course at the time we thought they were high, but compared to today they were nothing. I was thankful she had insurance to pay those bills.

As I shredded the nursing home bills, I remembered the wonderful people who understood her dementia and took care of her, along with caring for my emotional state. I was thankful for the doctors and nurses that found a medication to calm her mood and give me back a funny, caring mom. I never knew the sense of humor she now had. Life had changed her from when she was young. I was also thankful for an almost death moment during those years that brought about a talk of her hopes and dreams and her letting me know I would be fine without her but she would be watching over me. Her dementia diminished for a few days after the hip surgery, and we had normal days. I was thankful God gave us that time of healing.

As I was shredding, I knew the moments, good and bad, made up my life for a short time. During that period of time, it was hard to remember the good, but I could see it and feel it now, sitting right there intermingled with the bad. The blessings were there and now I could see them and feel them.

I loved my mom. My mom loved me. If I could go back, I would say many things that I never said. I would say that I now understand what you were feeling. I now understand why we fought so much. You loved me, and as a child and teenager you wanted me to have a better life. You wanted me to be safe. I wanted you to let go. I wanted to fly away and felt you were keeping me back. You were an older mom, and it felt like we were worlds apart.

I would tell her I was sorry I wasn’t always a good daughter. I could have done things differently, and if I had the chance to do it over again I would. I would be kinder and more understanding. Had she lived longer and I had been older with more life behind me I would have known that.

As the papers hit the shredder, the feelings of sadness, guilt, and anger went into the shredder too. There was much to be thankful for in those last years of her life, and I could see it now. Had we not went through the fire we might not have gotten to the other side where the last year was one of understanding and laughter.

Through it all, the love was always there, and that is why we kept fighting to get through the muck to the other side, unaware that is what we were doing.

It is Thanksgiving week. Being thankful does not always mean giving thanks for the good times. It also means being thankful in the fire of despair. It is the glimmer of thanks peeking through that makes up our lives and keeps us living.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Imagine Love Over The Course of 98 Years.

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Something About Nothing, by Julie Seedorf in the Albert Lea Tribune February 10, 2014

“Image what these 98-year-old eyes have seen.” holding hands photo: gero hands hands.jpg

Those words, spoken in a sermon during a funeral for a friend’s mother, gave me pause to reflect on what this woman had seen during her lifetime. It isn’t often we think of that when someone we love has died. Of course we reminisce about the person’s past, their accomplishments, what they loved, and how they lived, but for some reason when I heard this sentence the thought that came to my mind was love. Pretending to look through her eyes as I looked at family pictures, I saw love.

This is February and the week of Valentine’s Day. You might wonder what a funeral and someone’s death has to do with a day that is filled with hearts, flowers, declarations of love and clever advertising. The day is commercially about all of the glitzy, outer trappings, but what a better day to think about the love that we receive through our lifetime.

What better day to reminisce about those who have shown us love and that we have loved, that are here today and that we have known in the past.

Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday, not because I get so many Valentines, but because the day seems to bring out the best in people.

Recently I interviewed someone about the day and they said every day should be Valentine’s Day in the way we show love to people in our lives.

Back to this wonderful 98-year-old woman by the name of Sophia whose funeral I was attending. Looking back through her life I could see that it was her love of God, her love of family and her love of friends, and giving and receiving that love that carried her through her life all those 98 years.

Sophia married young, a man, older than she. Looking at the pictures and talking to her daughters and listening to the stories, you knew that she felt loved. Her life wasn’t always hearts and flowers. She lost two children, her husband, family members and yet her attitude was always encouraging. The love that her husband and those two children gave to her before they died stayed with her even when they were gone.

She helped raise a granddaughter after her daughter died. She had grandchildren. Later when she was no longer able to take care of herself, when she was in her 90s, she entered an assisted-living home. Still her family showed her love and caring by visiting her often and watching out so that she was happy until the final days. They did not forget her. Her sense of humor carried through to the staff and those she met. Pictures told a story of love and you could see the love she showed others even in her later years with sense of humor and the kindness she showed to those who took care of her.

What did those 98-year-old eyes see? They saw many changes in the world. They saw sorrow, heartache and happiness.

Sophia is not unlike many of us today. What do our eyes see each day? At the end of our lives what will our eyes have seen? Will we remember special Valentines Days? Maybe. Will we remember the glitz and the glam and the show? Will we remember what meal we ate when we were wined and dined by our sweetheart? Will we remember disappointment because no one remembered us on Valentine’s Day? Or will we remember the feeling of love throughout moments of our lives?

We get hyped up about this one day, Valentine’s Day, the day we take to show someone how special they are. Some people get romantic and some people get forgotten all together. It is good we do have a day like this to remind us to treat someone we love with a little special care because perhaps some people don’t think about it the rest of the year.

There are people, and I used to be one of those, that are very hurt and sad if this special day passes and they feel alone. If that is the case I want you to think about that statement; imagine what these 98-year-old eyes have seen. What will your eyes have seen over your lifetime? Think about the love that you have shown or been shown by others on a normal day throughout the year. Find the “love moments” in your life and remember them. Think about the love moments, or hours, or days that you have had.

Those 98-year-old eyes saw a lot of sorrow. Our eyes do, too. But in sad times, find the Valentine moments of love that you can cherish and remember your entire life. Love isn’t pinned to a specific day; it is pinned to the shadows of your heart for you to pull out when needed to make those dark days feel better.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” — Lao Tzu

 

Help Me Write My Thanksgiving Column for Something About Nothing

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Thankful by Nakeva

Thankful by Nakeva (Photo credit: Nakeva)

Column: Something About Nothing, by Julie Seedorf

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. I miss summer. Yes, those lazy, hazy days of summer are gone and, instead, we are rolling out the not lazy, hazy, crazy days of holidays.

We’ll sing of mistletoe and cheer. We will be making our list and checking it twice and, really, it doesn’t matter if the kids are naughty or nice, Grandma will buy them something anyway.

The real holiday frenzy started in some stores mid-summer, especially craft stores so all the crafters could buy their materials and craft like crazy to be done for Christmas. The other stores got into the act right around Labor Day or sooner. I think they were hoping to tempt me into buying more decorations before I looked at what I already had stored in the basement.

Many Black Friday sales have begun before Black Friday and Black Friday, on occasion, seems to be every day. We are tricked into believing that the sale will only happen once. For some unexplainable reason we believe the hype so we wait in long lines to get that special item that is important, such as the big-screen television.

Here in Minnesota it is better if we get snow so everyone feels it really is Christmas. Do you suppose the retailers in Minnesota put in a request for early snow so we will get the Christmas fever early? We are excited about Christmas. What happened to Thanksgiving?

On Facebook, I have noticed many of my friends are listing something they are thankful for every day. They have the gratitude attitude.

Churches haven’t forgotten about Thanksgiving. They are getting ready for Thanksgiving services although in these modern times, many services are in the evening before Thanksgiving Day because people have things to do on Thanksgiving and are too busy to go to services.

Food shelves haven’t forgotten about Thanksgiving. They know there are many hungry people out there who won’t have a Thanksgiving meal without the food shelves.

Local organizations haven’t forgotten about Thanksgiving. Many are gearing up to provide a free Thanksgiving meal so those that are alone, homeless or without the means for a meal will have a place to go.

Stores are gearing up to be open early for Thanksgiving Deals. They haven’t forgotten Thanksgiving and are trying to make it one of the biggest shopping experiences of the season. We can’t blame them. If we as consumers didn’t give up our family Thanksgiving to shop they wouldn’t open. It seems more important for us to shop rather than spend family time and rest and relax the entire Thanksgiving Day. I have a feeling that the small mom-and-pop shops will respect the Thanksgiving family tradition and wait until Friday to reopen.

The Thanksgiving Day Parade planners haven’t forgot about Thanksgiving. Last I heard the parades were still on. Football seems to be a Thanksgiving tradition. The entire family can gather around the television to watch their games before they fall asleep on the couch from eating all that turkey that contains tryptophan.

The holidays are anything but lazy. They are crazy. They are as crazy as we make them. What we do with Thanksgiving and Christmas determines where our priorities lie. It is different for each person and each family.

My family still celebrates Thanksgiving together. We have a meal. We play games. We watch movies, and we eat. We are blessed enough to have food to put on the table and to be able to spend time together. I feel especially blessed this year. I might have two working bathrooms. I don’t have to pull in an outhouse for the grandchildren.

This is not Thanksgiving week. Look around you each day and see the snippets of Thanksgiving in the preparation of the people you meet. Take the time to contemplate what you are grateful for and what you can do to honor the holiday.

How do you prepare for Thanksgiving? Has it been more about Christmas? Or has it been about being thankful for the blessings you have received this year.

I would appreciate it if you would email me this week at thecolumn@becomm.net and let me know if you feel the blessings of the past year. I would like my column next week to be full of statements about thankfulness and blessings for Thanksgiving from many people. I would like you to write the column with those blessings. If you want me to use your name, I will. If you don’t I won’t. I hope to hear from you.

Perhaps something you share will reach out and touch another person and remind them of what they have to be thankful for.

“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” — Richard Roeper

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