Category Archives: Something About Nothing Column

The Final Good-Bye

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IMG_3258The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.” — Eminem

The quote above was certainly true in our lives the last couple of weeks. We had a fun vacation up north and the next day we were sitting by the bedside of my brother-in-law who was in his final moments.

As I look back on the week it was a week of blessings. We spent time with good friends. We laughed, ate the fish the men caught, explored shops and took the time to relax and enjoy life. It wasn’t the fact that we were on vacation that made it special; it was the fact we shared the week with close friends creating memories.

We got the call that we were needed  at the bedside of my brother-in-law, Evan, as we were driving home from the lake. The next few days by his bedside we  prayed, cried, reminisced and waited for God  to call him home. As hard as it was, it too was a blessing because we could be there in his final moments. We could connect with others who loved this man. We don’t always come into this world easily at birth and we don’t always go out easily either. The last few days were a struggle for him and we didn’t want him or his wife  being alone at this difficult time.

I wondered as we sat there waiting, what he would have said to us if he would have had the power to speak. What would he say about what we were saying? What was he thinking? Were we giving him comfort? Or would he have told us to go away?

It had been a long journey for Evan. His diagnosis was Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t the first in the family, and I suspect it won’t be the last. He was not the person the last few years we all remembered. Yet, he was still loved in his anger, quietness and joy,  remaining the husband, father and brother in our lives.

Everyone deals with a loved one’s decline differently. Some stay away because they can’t handle seeing their loved one in this changing state. They want to remember them as they were. I get that. And again I support those who have to do what they do to take care of themselves. For myself at this time in my life I think about the person going through the process of leaving this earth or who is in declining health. It isn’t about me; it is about them and what they are feeling if those they love stay away.

We all need someone to share the rough spots of our life, to help us get through the hills and the valleys, whether it is an illness where we are healed, or an illness where God chooses to take us home. We need someone to care.

I have not always been by the side of someone I loved, or visited a friend when they are going through their final weeks. I too have stayed away. When my friend Mary was ready to leave this world I stayed away. I was sick and suffering depression and I couldn’t handle it. I so regret that I stayed away and didn’t say goodbye, but I get it when seeing someone you love in pain is too much.

I haven’t always helped those who needed help. I haven’t always had the help of those I thought I could depend on, but I know it is not because I didn’t care or they didn’t care, but because of where they were or where I was in my life, there was nothing left inside of them or me to help someone else.

This time, I was able to say goodbye to the man who was the first person besides my mother-in-law to welcome me into the family and accept me as I was. I felt privileged to have the time to say goodbye to the man who was godfather to my children and took that role very seriously. My children all have special memories of their Uncle Evan as do all his nieces and nephews.

If we needed help, Evan was there to lend a hand. He was there to give his opinion and we could take it or leave it. He left us with sayings we will never forget and memories that will always have a hold on our hearts.

Don’t be afraid to hold the hand of someone you love in their final moments. You will find you won’t remember what they looked like in their final days, but you will remember the lifetime of memories that you were given and the smiles that came before.

Rest in peace, Evan. When we asked you how you were, you always replied, “Not as good as some, but better than most.” In our eyes you were always the best.

Patience! Road Construction A Blessing or a Curse?

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SOMETHING ABOUT NOTHING by Julie Seedorf- Published the week of July 13 in the Albert Lea Tribune and The Courier Sentinel

roadblocklifeI dread driving in winter on icy roads. I look forward to summer and the ease of hopping in my car and visiting whatever community my heart tells me to visit. It doesn’t take hours longer to get somewhere because I don’t have to drive slower because of the ice.

Tuesday I rode to a meeting in the Twin Cities with an acquaintance. Our time was tight because of work schedules. We knew how far we had to go and we knew how long it should take us.

It is amazing how much we anticipate summer roads but forget about road construction to fix roads, so our travel — when construction is completed — results in better roads. The freeway was somewhat empty that day.  We were within a mile of our freeway exit before we hit the back up traffic from road construction. It was almost at a standstill. We checked the time; we were still early.

Remember, I said this person was an acquaintance I had only met once and shared only a few words with. Before I got in the car I wondered what we would talk about. We had writing in common, but this person has fame under his belt. I figured the ride was only about 45 minutes so we should be able to find enough nothing to talk about for 45 minutes. I hadn’t counted on a traffic jam.

As we edged to the exit we had pretty much covered the weather, the traffic and the little unimportant details of our lives. We concluded I was the chatty one and he was the silent one. I have a tendency to rattle on when I am nervous. We reached the exit. It was closed. Now here is where the glitch came in. We knew only one way to get to where we were headed and that way was closed.

Since the acquaintance was driving, he said to me, “Do you know where we are going?” No one that knows me well would ever ask me that question, but of course this was an acquaintance who would not know that I never know where I am.

I pulled out my phone with the handy GPS and we got directions. I had to fumble through my Facebook to find the exact address on the invitation. We knew where we were going but we didn’t know the exact address. We knew how to get there taking the closed exit, and we knew we would recognize the building when we saw it. However, now we were in uncharted territory, trusting the GPS on my phone to get us there through unfamiliar streets and neighborhoods.

Mr. GPS told us to take the next exit. We followed the instructions on my GPS and wondered as we traveled our newly-charted course whether we should trust my phone. Finally we saw the building, but couldn’t figure out where the parking lot was. After a few wrong turns and missteps we parked in the parking lot of the building where we were supposed to be. Yes, we were 15 minutes late for the meeting, but at least we were there.

We entered a library. We rushed into the building and didn’t know where to go. We had to ask for directions. Our conversation while entering the building centered on the fact we didn’t have time to read much anymore. We asked for directions to the room for the meeting, and we missed reading the sign right in front of our faces giving us directions to the meeting. Lack of reading time could be why I am lost so much, I can’t even read directions.

I must admit — the GPS and being direction-challenged broke the ice in the art of conversation between acquaintances.

I remember another time in my life where I was paired to work with someone in a volunteer position and I was feeling shy about it — I know it is hard to believe that about me. It might be a secret but the loudest people are occasionally the shyest, and loudness is a cover for insecurity. What I found out was I would have missed a good friend if I had let my insecurities keep me from volunteering to work with this person.

The meeting was over and I no longer wondered what kind of conversation I would have with this acquaintance on the way home, because this acquaintance, somewhere in the traffic jam, had become a friend. I am not sure without the traffic we would have had the time to talk about the somethings in our lives rather than the nothings.

The next time I am in a traffic jam I will be patient. Instead of being anxious about my destination I will engage in conversation with my car mate and not be anxious about the delay. If I am by myself I will take the time to listen to music or be alone with my thoughts. I might learn something about myself.

One other little tidbit I have learned this summer: I am always lost when driving. My GPS on my phone always gets me to my destination one way or another. I never know where I am or what it is leading me to when this happens. Somewhere along the way there is always a fun surprise. I may be lost, but what I find, occasionally takes my breath away.

“Anytime I feel lost, I pull out a map and stare. I stare until I have reminded myself that life is a giant adventure, so much to do, to see.” — Angelina Jolie

Greeting Card Challenged?

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Something About Nothing

by Julie Seedorf  published by the Albert Lea Tribune July 2015

 

cards1Did you get the Fourth of July card I sent you? How about the birthday card or the Christmas card or the I’m thinking about you card? Of course you didn’t, because I never sent them out. I am greeting-card-sender challenged.

This little quirk of my personality didn’t just pop up out of the blue since I became an adult. I was reminded of this fact as I poured through old pictures and memorabilia from my past. I found letters written to my relatives in my childhood and teen years that I never mailed. It was always a standing family joke: if you wanted a letter or a card from me during those years you had to visit to receive them.

I love receiving greeting cards, birthday cards and postcards. I love any mail that is not junk mail, but I seldom receive it since I am so bad at mailing things myself.

I have good intentions. Recently I found a card that I had ready for my friend, Lisa, a book reviewer. I don’t know why I didn’t send it and I don’t know what it says. I didn’t open it as it is sealed. I am going to send it to find out what her response is. I also found an RSVP that I never sent back. I have that habit too.

The same thing can be said for thank-you cards. I am very thankful for everything someone does for me or a gift that I receive, but I have a problem sending that thank you. Maybe I need to get some counseling to find out why I can’t seem to get around to writing those cards or if I write them — mailing them.

Last Christmas this little quirk extended to Christmas cards. I didn’t mail any out. I didn’t write my Christmas letter. Is it no wonder my friends and family from afar have given up on me?

I have some friends and family that always send a thank you. My daughter-in-law always makes sure I get a thank you, and she has taught her children they need to do the same thing. I am happy those grandchildren do not follow in the footsteps of their grandmother. I hope their kindness and saying thank you continues on.

I could blame my mother. To be fair, my mom didn’t have the time to see that I sent out a thank-you note. She would tell me to do it when I got older and trust that it got done. Her schedule — taking care of our house, taking care of her mother and brother and working in my family’s shoe store — didn’t leave her much time to nag me about thank-you notes.

I also failed at the mother part when it came to teaching my children about thank-you notes, although I think at least one of them is good at it.

It is important to thank people for what they do for others. It is important to make people feel valued in life. I believe that sincerely and I hope I do that with my words. I apologize to those who have been victims of my mailing phobia. Just know that although you might not have received a thank you, I am very thankful for your friendship and your kindnesses.

I cannot go back and change my past behavior, but I can go forward and try and do better.

Recently, feeling stressed, I realized I need more balance in my life. I take responsibility for things and feelings and others actions that are not my responsibility. Because I do that, I get so caught up in worrying about tomorrow and trying to fix things that I get more stressed and more frustrated and live with a constant feeling of being overwhelmed. Balance means realizing I am not superwoman. I can’t fix others problems because I can’t fix my own because I am too busy spinning.

This Melody Beattie quote says it all, and I would be wise to listen, “Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for them and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.”

When I write I lose all track of time. I forget to eat and can find myself sitting at my computer the entire day. During that time the stress melts away. The world melts away. When I am in that world I am not worrying about anyone else. I am not trying to fix things beyond my control. I am not telling someone else what to do (I am good at that); only my characters bend to my will. I am refreshed. I find balance in writing. I need to carry that balance into the real world and remember who is in control. If I do that, maybe you will get that greeting card.