When I am In a conversation, face to face, with friends and family I might mention something that happened to one of my Facebook friends, but I don’t say they are a Facebook friend. I can’t tell you how many times the people I am sharing a conversation with ask me, “Is this a real friend or a Facebook friend?” It as if one of the many people I connected with on Facebook are not real people and don’t have real feelings or real experiences. Can a friend only be a friend if you have met them face to face?
I think of my pen pals who I kept in touch with during my teen years. No one, including my parents, asked me if they were real friends.
When I consider a conventional friendship it means we converse regularly, or when it has been miles and years that have kept us apart and we get back together nothing has changed. I care about this person. I hurt when they hurt and I rejoice when they have good news. We might exchange gifts or cards over the years. My definition of a friend is someone who I share the good times and the bad times with.
I do that with my Facebook friends. I have those that after we connected on Facebook, we met in real life and continue our friendship in person and online, such as my friends Timya and Barbara. Shopping is always fun with these two ladies. Or Mary, another author whom I meet for coffee when our lives permit us traveling a distance to meet.
Then there is Heather and Andrea who live in Canada. We Skype every so often and keep in touch every night by sending each other our gratitude list. It keeps us grateful. My friend Sue Ann is a wonder woman on her farm in Ohio. I loved the smell of the lavender she sent me as a gift and also her tales of her life on her little piece of heaven. She should be a writer. Or my friend CeeCee who has been there when I even mention I might be down. She gets in touch with me privately, helping me get through rough spots and I hope I do that for her. And of course there is sweet Lisa who I met when she reviewed my books, and has a heart so big that she hurts too every time one of her friends is hurting. I could go on and on about those who I consider friends whom I met online and I have only mentioned a few.
Today my heart is grieving for my friend Joanne Kocourek. She died last night and went into the loving arms of our Savior. Her pain is over. I don’t remember when exactly I met Joanne. I suspect it was because I am an author and she read one of my books. But once I met her I found she was one of the most courageous women I have known. She suffered from mitochondrial disease. Her life was not an easy one yet she always had encouragement for those she met. Through her journey of hospitals and pain and setbacks she kept her joyful spirit. She used her disease to help others who were diagnosed navigate the system. The more I learned about her life the more I knew she was special. She adopted two girls with the same disease and raised them to have the same beautiful spirit and attitude. She called herself the chronic conditions survivor and others called her a warrior and she was. Her faith in the Lord was strong and I suspect she would tell us she couldn’t have done it without Him. I learned from Joanne about compassion and standing up for right and wrong when the system knocks you down. I am going to miss her guiding and encouraging spirit as are so many others. Yes, she was a real friend.
So don’t ask me again if I am talking about a “real friend” when they are from Facebook. We may never meet in person but these special people have hopes, dreams, are caring and compassionate and because of their friendship,my life is richer and better. I learn about different cultures and I have become more tolerant and accepting of that which is different because they have let me into their lives and their feelings. I am blessed for these experiences.
RIP Joanne. I am sure you are now able to dance and sing with the angels.
Of course we’re”real” friends
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So sorry to read of Joanne passing. And of course, we love you, our dear Julie, true friend and kindred spirit. Andrea and Heather ❤️
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My dear, Julie. Thank you for addressing this. You said it perfectly. I have met so many dear people in my life online and off. My online friends are every bit as real as those I spend offline time with. It a lot of cases, even more so. When my sweet brother was dying, a dear woman, that I now consider my sister, reached out to me with a short message every other day just to let me know I wasn’t alone. She will never know just what she did for me. Then there is you. My Julie, who reached out to me because you knew something was wrong in my life just by reading what I wasn’t saying online. You reached out to me, you embraced me with your love through this very computer screen, and you rallied other friends together to help my sister and me in a real time of need. Can friendship be any more real than that? And to those Facebook/Online very real friends who have touched my life and have passed on, Suzanne Clark Foos, Aunt Pitty, Virginia Walsh, JoAnn Kocourek, and Joyce and Jim Lavene, they touched my life in a very real way and will always be cherished. I love you, Julie, my very real friend.
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Sweet Joanne was such a strong woman! She read right up until the end. She had me sending her the cozy freebie links her last days so Kristen would download them. She was determined to make it to the wedding and she met her goal. She’ll have so much time to read now as I know that’s her version of Heaven.